Letter to the Editor:

I would like to say just how proud I am with our new President . . . Like I said I would like too, but I can't. I will admit I did skip his ingratiation, some might imply that I boycotted it but honest I have never gone or watched any of them, but I do like the sound of “I boycotted the event,” makes me sound like I am taking a real stance on something. I am thinking of boycotting other things now like beets, hate them always have, but from now I will boycott them. Irregardless is not even a real word, but from now on it's boycotted!
As it turned out it did not matter I did not show, because President Trump saw me there, I was at the very back of the crowd near the Washington Monument with the more than a million others that were not there that President Trump saw. I looked at some of the pictures and video from the event, yes, if you tilt your head just right and squint enough and stare at the very large EMPTY spaces, well you get eye strain, neck pain, and start to question the sanity of the people that voted for him. President Trump said he would “like a million, million and a half people,” there. I am beginning to understand TRUMP SPEAK, by saying “Like,” before you lie it isn't a real lie. So when I say, “Trump is LIKE a guy I trust,” is not a lie because I said, LIKE. Oh and if you also add an “I Don't Know, “ that helps too, that way you can back pedal later and say “That's not what I said,” Example: “So Trump is a Russian spy, no it is Like really true, they caught him talking with his Russian handler like for real, I Don't Know.”
The third thing you do is blame the Media, “I like have no issue with the intelligence agencies. The media made that all up. When I said the CIA was like the Nazis, the media said, I said, the CIA was like the Nazis, but what I said was the CIA was LIKE the Nazis. See the difference, this is the media’s fault they all like hate me. I on the other had like love the intelligence communities, I don't know.”
See, I get President Trump I really do, and I like, like President Trump we are best buds, I don't know. The reason people think I don't like President Trump is because the paper prints my Letters to the Editor.

G. Robert Bauer II

Kidder